When we ponder what would make our lives better, we often believe that having more money, or more friends, or being more attractive will make us happier, but research shows that what we think we want, and what we actually need are quite different.
We often believe that our happiness depends on external circumstances, and things in our environment, that are often out of our control.
A large scale study done by Angus Deaton and psychologist Daniel Kahneman, indicates that what we need to be happy is enough money to pay our living expenses, and a little bit more to purchase some extras. In the study 450,000 Americans reported how they had felt yesterday, and if they felt that they were living the best possible life for themselves. In addition, they were asked about their income.
They found that 85% of the respondents felt happy each day, regardless of their income. They also found that 40% of respondents were experiencing high levels of stress (which impedes on levels of happiness).
They also found that for those with an annual income of $75,000USD or more, money impacted little on their level of happiness. They inferred that at this level of income, people have enough expendable funds to do the things that they enjoy, such as going out with friends.
The very wise Dalai Lama says “Inner peace is the key. If you have inner peace, the external problems do not affect your deep sense of peace and tranquility. In that state of mind you can deal with situations with calmness and reason, while keeping your inner happiness. That is very important. Without this inner peace, no matter how comfortable your life is materially, you may still be worried, disturbed, or unhappy because of circumstances”.
When we start to consider inner peace, and the Dalai Lama’s wise words, it brings to light the differences between Western and Eastern cultures. Western philosophy and psychology differ significantly from Eastern conceptualisations (e.g., Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism etc.).
To understand these differences, we need to distinguish between Hedonic and Eudaimonic well-being. Ultimately, ‘hedonic well-being’, the contemporary Western view of happiness, is about pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain. Further, it is about seeking out ways of achieving happiness, pleasure and positive feeling. On the other hand, ‘eudaimonic well-being’ is about our virtues, skills, and positive functioning. Conversely, eudaimonia is about actualising capacities and potential, instead of pursuing pleasure (Keyes & Annas 2009). This notion of eudaimonia comes from Ancient Greek philosophy.
In Nichomachean Ethics Aristotle stated that the highest human good is not happiness, or feeling good or satisfying our appetites, instead it is about achieving the best from within us (which is commonly refereed to as reaching our full potential). He claimed that the highest human good was to know yourself and become what you are, by discovering your unique skills and then using them in the world.
Scientists have since determined that eudemonic well being is concerned with personal growth, positive relations, purpose in life and autonomy.
Recently scientists have started to investigate the link between the eudaimonic approach to psychological well-being and physical health. Some early studies indicate that higher levels of eudaimonic well-being is linked with lower stress (measured by cortisol) levels, lower proinflammatory cytokines, better sleep, and lower risk of heart problems. On the other hand, hedonic well-being showed a weak link to these biomarkers (Ryff, Singer, & Love, 2004).
Not surprisingly, health behaviours have also been linked to eudaimonic well-being. In particular, it has been proven that engaging in regular exercise results in higher levels of psychological well-being (across all traits) and self-esteem (Edwards, Edwards, and Basson, 2004).
Another common finding is the positive link between better sleep and eudemonic well-being. Research by Hamilton, Nelson, Stevens, and Kitzmen (2007) found that individuals who reported higher levels of personal growth, positive relationships, self-acceptance, a sense of effectiveness in mastering circumstances and challenges, and purpose in life were optimal sleepers. What we have learnt from studies such as these, is that sleep is important for stress management and self-regulation.
So we know that wellbeing is linked to better biological/physical and psychological health. We also know that personal growth, self-acceptance, and purposeful engagement influences how well we live and how long we live.
So if we know all this, what can we do?
Here are some ways to practice self-acceptance:
- Learn to be more flexible. Try to see things from another perspective. The more rigid we are, the harder it is to accept things and to move forward. It is hard to change and grow as a person if you are rigid. Always consider alternatives and challenge your own old ways of thinking to expand your perspective. Quite simply, ask yourself ‘is there another way of looking at this situation’?
- Learn to recognise your flaws and accept them. Accept that you are human; and that as humans we are flawed. If there is something or some things that you don’t like about yourself, then start to take small steps towards changing those things. Or if these things are causing you considerable amounts of distress, then seek professional advice.
- Change how you talk to yourself. Think about all the critical things you say to yourself, and start to change this. We often exaggerate our flaws and over focus on them. Try observing your thoughts and notice how often you are over-critical towards yourself. Recognising what we are doing wrong is the first step towards change.
- ‘Run your own race’ – stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on your own journey, look at your own progress, and compare who you are today with who you were yesterday, or last year, or five years ago. Don’t let other people determine how you feel about yourself. Have your own opinions and evaluations about yourself, and try not to let other people’s critiques dictate what you think. Remember that you know yourself better than anyone else knows you.
Diener, E. (2012). New findings and future directions for subjective well-being research. American Psychologist, 67(8), 590–597
Kahneman, D., and Deaton, A (2010) High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being. Center for Health and Well-being, Princeton University, Princeton, NJ 08544.
Keyes, C. L. M., & Annas, J. (2009). Feeling good and functioning well: Distinctive concepts in ancient philosophy and contemporary science. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 4(3), 197–20
Lewis GJ, Kanai R, Rees G, Bates TC: Neural correlates of the ‘good life’: eudaimonic well-being is associated with insular cortex volume. Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci 2013, E-pub ahead of print.
Ryff CD, Singer BH, Love GD: Positive health: connecting well-being with biology. Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci 2004;359:1383-1394.
156 Edwards DJ, Edwards SD, Basson CJ: Psychological well-being and physical self-esteem in sport and exercise. Int J Ment Health Promot 2004;6:25-32.
Hamilton NA, Nelson CA, Stevens N, Kitzman H: Sleep and psychological well-being. Soc Indic Res 2007;82:147-163.